Stone Farking Wheaton W00tstout

Total Score: 8.8/10 Caramel1DarkFruits1BrownSugar1Tulipglass1

Review #800: Stone Farking Wheaton W00tstout. Yet another BIG beer to celebrate (or as my doctor would say “commiserate”) the fact that I’ve been reviewing beers for over 6 years now. Yes, I am slow like the tortoise when it comes to reviewing beers, but much like the tortoise I will get there in the end. Where the end is, I cannot say, probably 1,000 beers then I’ll hang up my hat and give my poor liver a break. In any case I felt it appropriate that Stone have again produced a milestone beer for me (#650 was Arrogant Bastard and #750 was Citracado) to review – they have a habit of making awesome beers. A habit I hope continues on towards review #1,000 [man that is going to have to be one special brew!].

Poured from a 650ml “bomber” bottle into a Duvel tulip.

A: Obsidian “black like your heart coffee” that Mr. Burns requests for his high priced lawyers [yes that is too a colour] body. The head, when it existed, was a formidable tan, however much like the Wall Street Stock Market in 1929 it came crashing down, leaving a thin lace ring. 9/10.

S: Smoky notes mingle with dark fruit (plum and prune) and a caramel character from the pecans (pecans always smell and taste like caramel to me). Touch of vegemite and booziness in there as well. If this beer was embodied by a historical personality it would be a boozy Mark Twain, all proper and full of molasses… like some sort of Molasses Twain. My teeth are having nightmares already. 9/10.

T: My teeth weren’t wrong in dreading this brew: it is farking sweet! Beginning with caramel/pecan/molasses then hitting mid-palate dark fruits and towards the finish enters a single-malt whiskey character providing a nice warming effect. Aftertaste brings in mild strained coffee bitterness. It’s not as boozy as expected – yet for the uninitiated it will come as a big boozy French kiss – wet and sloppy. Rather hard to fault this American Imperial Stout. 9/10.

M: Mouthfeel is gloriously luxuriant with a full body, tongue coating viscosity, and a thin, densely miniscule carbonation. 9/10.

D: It’s hard to fault this beer: it is exactly what one would expect from a 13% ABV American Imperial Stout – it is BIG [Bearing Immense Gusto], it is heavy, it is sweet, it will knock you for six (cricket terminology, sorry Americans) – it encapsulates everything one would expect in this style… Why oh why did they sell this as a bomber? My head feels light now… 8/10.

Food match: Anything roasted and gamey… beware of postprandial somnolence.

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