Heineken Lager Beer

Total Score: 5.55/10 Barley1Bread1Corn1Stein1

Sometimes in life a crap macro beer is so cheap that you fool yourself into buying it again, even if you never really liked it, that’s the story of me and Heineken – I never really liked it – but I picked up a 6-pack for $10 the other day and it had been about 3-4 years since I last had it accidentally at a party (someone else paid for it that time). Anyway if I’m going to give out one pivotal TL;DR this year it would be: Don’t waste your time. Regardless though – here’s a review for those who think that I only ever review great beers, enjoy! (because I certainly won’t!)

Poured from a 330ml bottle into a stein.

A: Clear macro lager piss yellow body, as expected… never had an interesting looking macro lager in my life, why would it change with Heineken? The head is a solid white half centimetre foam on top – at least the head looks reasonable, but the body is fugly. 7/10.

S: Hint of dough, grainy malt and a distinct Ethanol note that really stands out for a Lager – I mean I’ve noted straight Ethanol in 10%+ ABV brews but never in a 5% Lager – it’s a bit out of place. An expected Dimethyl Sulfide (DMS) aroma rears its head after a few more whiffs, a common occurrence in many macro lagers, hardly worth subtracting points for these days. 5/10.

T: Bit on the watery side with flavour – which is a melange of the above. It’s not as offensive as you would imagine from the aroma, but it’s nothing brilliant either, just a typical boring macro lager. Aftertaste gets a bit of the metallic, sweet grain with apple treatment and could be worse. 6/10.

M: Mid to light, a touch watery, with a fairly dense (for a Lager) but light carbonation. 5/10.

D: “Heineken: It could be worse” sums up my opinion of this beer, and it really would make a good slogan for this Lager. Let’s face it there are A LOT of shit macro lagers out there, and this one isn’t close to scrapping the bottom of the barrel (there’s plenty more crap to trove through before you hit metal). In any case I don’t feel so ripped off now for buying this. However (and this is a big however) there are a lot of great cheap Euro Pale Lagers out there, off the top of my head: Grolsch, Stella, Mythos, Brok and König (which is a Pilsener – sue me). 5/10.

Food match: HDs and HBs (Hot Dogs and HamBurgers)… easy on the mustard there son!


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