Cricketers Arms Captain’s IPA

Total Score: 5.05/10 Caramel1 Biscuit1 Lemon1 Nonicpint1

We meet again Cricketers Arms. Last time it was your Lager which I remarked at the time was as “drinkable as a glass of cold water in Antarctica”, granted that was a while back and I was a bit more scathing in my reviews and had wittier banter (probably from all the Witbiers I used to drink) in any case my reviews have softened so perhaps you stand a chance of not being burned like a school fete sausage in the seventh circle of hell… wait that was fairly witty, sorry Cricketers Arms *cracks knuckles*.

Poured from a 330ml bottle into a nonic pint.

A: Caramel-tinged hazy ochre body with a pockmarked half centimetre cream coloured head. Looks aiight then, like the caramel tinge in the body, makes me think of caramel and the acquisition of said caramel. 7/10.

S: Floral and citric hop notes with toffee and biscuit notes. Certainly well within the bounds of a decent English IPA without being exhilarating in the slightest (and how English is that of a brew?). Could be a bit light in hop flavour judging by the aroma. I hope not. 7/10.

T: Sweet and malty upfront with those toffee/biscuit characters, then the hop notes come in and go “don’t forget we’re here!” with a muted floral/citric bitterness towards the end. At this point you’re thinking “not bad”, then comes the aftertaste which is oddly chemical, funky with a touch of astringency that feels out of place. Also even for an English IPA there isn’t enough hops balancing out the malt, which if this was a Belgian Tripel – not a problem in the slightest, but because of the aftertaste… well, not good. 4/10.

M: Mid to light bodied, lighter and more watery than it should be, with a slightly gassy carbonation (Aussie brewers strike again with the CO2). 5/10.

D: I think Dr. Frankenstein would be impressed with the mishmash nature of this brew: An elbow from here, a toenail from there, bingo – Frankenbeer’s monster. I on the other hand am not rapt with having my tastebuds taken for a ride on some bizarre roller-coaster… also gassy beers? Go away 1980’s, 90’s and early 2000 – I don’t need you anymore – I’ve got my power laces, hoverboards and tasty small-batch beers to keep me sated. 5/10.

Food match: Gaviscon liquid or dual action – that should help settle the stomach so you can move on to a better beer.


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