Zywiec Porter

Total Score: 7.5/10 Coffee1 BrownSugar1 DarkFruits1 Nonicpint1

This is what happens when you fall in love with stouts, it leads you to try darker and darker beers, recklessly seeking that next roasted thrill until your bank account is a mere husk of binary code and you’ve become addicted to priceless Faberge eggs… at least that specific example has happened to someone, somewhere. Anyway the point I was getting at is that Plonk! (BBITU: Best Bottleshop In The Universe) is out of FBS (Founders Breakfast Stout) and I’ve been recommended the two closest things to FBS in the meanwhile: Zywiec and Rasputin – yes, that’s right – we’ve got a full blown Stout-off on our hands!

Poured from a 330ml bottle into a nonic pint.

A: Deep, deep, dark, cavernous, cola brown body that says “I will own you mere mortal!” with a foamy inch tall khaki head that slowly dissipates to a spiders lace. The whole thing is ominous. I like my Porters ominous. 9/10.

S: A roasted coffee/chicory combo that screams “I will own you mere mortal!”… again it is an ominous brew here. There are notes of dark fruit as well, hints of black cherry and prune. 7/10.

T: The flavour is a real surprise – sets you up for a huge challenging Stout/Porter (whatever, they’re the same thing) and delivers a mild mannered reporter, like if Clark Kent was the alter-ego to Lex Luthor. Flavours are roast coffee with brown sugar and prune. Finishes with an espresso bitterness and an unwanted metallic twang (loses 1 point for this, sorry unpronounceable brewer from Poland). 7/10.

M: Hits the register well here with a medium, rich body and a dense, creamy carbonation. 9/10.

D: It’s no FBS. That is certain. However at $4 a 330ml bottle it is FBS’s cheaper, slightly weird Polish cousin that likes to tip cows, farm potatoes whilst making bootleg vodka, and is “New to this country you call A-Merica”. The fact that it tastes half decent at that price (and kicks its own Lager in the soft-fleshy-dangly-male-bits between the legs) is enough for me to rate it decently. Decently indeed. I have spoken! 8/10.

Food match: Chocolate roasted rib eye steaks with au gratin potato and roasted pumpkin, with a rich dark gravy simmering away all over that shit.

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